ugh, this is so cute.
The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh… you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
this was my monologue for theatre 100 in college. i had to make it longer so it would fill the requisite timeframe. i used to just randomly start saying it to my roommate while walking to class or eating dinner when i was obsessively practicing it.
Ann: “I loved Andy. Loooved him. Loved Andy! He was a totally helpless baby when we met. I dated him for three years, now he’s an adult with a job! And some other girl is going to reap the rewards of my hard work? That’s bull****!”
i am (unfortunately) this awkward and emphatic…sober.
STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.